“Why are all the plasma TVs on when no one is watching them and why is the air conditioning on full blast with all the windows open?”
“Because it’s Earth Day,” Hannity said.
“Isn’t that wasteful?”
“Son, there’s nothing to waste! That’s just silly talk liberals made up. The earth will be here forever just the way it is now no matter what we do. We have all the resources we could possibly use for as long as we could possibly use them.”
“Aren’t there scientists who say digging up millions of years of buried energy and setting it on fire in the span of a century might be bad for Earth?”
“Sure, but we have scientists who say maybe it isn’t.”
The boy looked around…at the world. “If scientists are in disagreement wouldn’t the wisest course of action be to minimize our carbon footprint as much as possible, at least until we know more?” (the kid’s older than you were thinking. Sixteen, let’s say. I thought he was younger too, until I wrote that part.)
“No.” Hannity grabbed a can of bug spray, aimed it at a honey bee that landed on a flower nearby, and emptied half the bottle’s contents. The bee died. The flower wilted.
“I think I want to live somewhere else.”
“Don’t worry. Earth will be fine.”
“I mean I want to live in a different house, with a different dad. You seem like kind of an asshole.”